I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My liver just had a heart attack.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
