I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
