My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
