How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
