he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My vagina is officially offended.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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