We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
