Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
