New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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