your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
