somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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