You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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