So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
