God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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