this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
