What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
50% drunk capacity currently
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
