You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
