i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
