I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
