Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
