do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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