i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
