you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
