Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
