allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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