i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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