It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
