When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
