Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
