she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
