How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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