oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
