My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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