You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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