so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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