I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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