yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
