I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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