You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
