Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think your dad took our porno
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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