the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
