I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
