So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
