I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
