the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
