Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
