Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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