if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
