We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
