She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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