He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
