We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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