I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
