I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
