im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
